adoption lessons/thoughts/ramblings

here's the first thing to know about adoption. i'm sure you've heard this already, but let me reiterate. it's freaking expensive. like around $20,000. holy crap. i knew this going in, but was somehow hoping that one of these agencies i found would be cheaper. if you adopt an older child through the state i think it's virtually free. in face i think they subsidize you (or i guess the child). but that goes against the one thing i'm pretty sure about - that ellen and isaiah need to be the oldest. *sigh* it costs several hundred to apply and another several hundred to go to their orientation. it's possible to get a tax credit of about 10,000 that can be used over five years. so that's good. and some companies offer a reimbursement plan for adoption. but generally not 10-20000 worth. here's another thing - don't have a bunch of biological children first. birth mothers seldom choose families that are full of kids already. i think i'm the easily discouraged type. somehow i've always envisioned this process as going rather differently. i always kinda thought i'd run across someone in my day to day living that needed some help and i'd offer it. whether it's the kid or the pregnant lady, i pictured it much more organically. from what i've picked up (not 100% on this) that's called independent adoption and even that costs lots of money for lawyers and things. you can't really go into this hoping to fulfill your dreams for kids in your family. (although i suppose if you've gone through tons of emotionally painful infertility stuff, money wouldn't be a big thing. it's not that money is such a big thing to me, its just that i don't have it.)i think you gotta be motivated by helping/saving a life. cause that's priceless and worth whatever it takes to get the money needed.